Happy National Kiss & Makeup Day!
We all have arguments with those we love. Whether a marital tit for tat, an argument with a bestie, a clash with a co-worker or a feud with a family member, we all can relate. For some it takes a kiss to let go of the hurt that we feel in our heart. For others, it takes some counseling because we need to say more about what is going on. But, it is not a bad idea to start with a kiss, in fact, it’s a great way to break the ice after a grudge that we might be holding on to for too long.
Today celebrates the day that we can choose to Kiss and Makeup. A kiss a great way to start… but, what is next after that? If we don’t look at what brought us to the argument in the first place we are likely to repeat it again… and again… and again. I invite you to go a little deeper, after that kiss, with these 4 tips so that you can avoid these arguments in the future.
- Say, “I’m Sorry”
First, you should never say that you’re sorry unless you mean it (you should also never demand a sorry from anyone else). “I’m Sorry” should come from your heart. If the apology is sincere, it is a great way to de-escalate conflict. It is also an indication that the person doesn’t believe that they are right all of the time. An apology is an acknowledgement of what you did wrong and that you understand why your partner (or friend, family member, etc) is upset. There is an immediate reaction from the person that they feel loved and heard.
- Talk about it
Sometimes sorry is not enough and we need to go deeper with some conversation. And, a conversation means talk about it with one another not at one another. Too many arguments between couples are focused on each person trying to get their points across without being compassionate towards the other person’s perspective. The goal here is to create an emotional connection and listen to one another. It is not about being right or wrong, it is about being heard and understood.
- Do an I Won’t, I Will contract
Once we have understood and talked about the different things that brought you to this argument, we need to try and change any hurtful patterns. I suggest that each person write a short list of things you won’t do to upset the other person anymore. Once you have done that write down and replace that “I WON’T” with an “I Will”. For example, “I WON’T yell at you when I am angry. Instead I WILL take a walk and come back and talk to you when I have calmed down.”
- Do Something Together
Now that you have kissed, said I’m sorry, talked about it and created an I Won’t, I Will contract, it is time to do something that you both enjoy together. If you dedicate more time together with your spouse, you will find that your relationship will blossom.
Can you commit to Kiss and Makeup Today along with our 4 extra steps? Try it and watch how your relationship grows! If you and your partner have a special experience in making up, we would love to hear your story. Please share it in the comments below.
